Down the Well: The Deep Dive of Motherhood & the Postpartum Anxiety Transformation

When we talk about the journey into motherhood, we often focus on the practical changes: the midnight feedings, the new routines, the physical recovery. But beneath these visible shifts lies a profound transformation that touches every aspect of a woman’s being – emotional, spiritual, physical, and psychological. As a therapist specializing in postpartum mental health, I’ve witnessed many women navigate this intense period of metamorphosis.

The Descent into the Unknown

Becoming a mother is like diving into deep waters. The familiar shore of your previous life recedes, and you find yourself in uncharted territory. Jungian analyst and author Lisa Marchiano offers a similar metaphor in her book titled Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself. In chapter one, she writes about how becoming a mother is like being flung down a well:

“To be thrown down the well is to find yourself at the mercy of inner and outer forces. Above all, such a descent will initially involve multiple losses, including the loss of freedom, the loss of control, and even the loss of yourself. There are many ways in which we, as mothers, will be cast down the well. Your Journey down the well will likely be painful and fraught, but it will also invite the possibility of connecting deeply with the ground of your being.”

This descent can feel overwhelming, even frightening. Many new mothers describe feeling as though they’ve lost touch with their former selves, experiencing a kind of identity earthquake that shakes their foundation. In this vulnerable state, many mothers feel pressure to “keep it together” or “stay strong,” leading them to suppress uncomfortable emotions and difficult experiences. This prolonged emotional suppression – whether it’s hiding fears, masking overwhelm, or pushing aside complicated feelings about motherhood – often becomes the very catalyst for anxiety and intrusive thoughts to emerge. When we don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge and process the full spectrum of our emotions, they tend to surface in other ways, manifesting as persistent worry, racing thoughts, or intrusive images that feel beyond our control.

Physical Metamorphosis and Emotional Waves

The physical changes of pregnancy and postpartum aren’t just surface-level transformations – they represent a complete rewiring of our bodies and brains. Our hormones surge and ebb, our neural pathways reorganize, and our very DNA can be affected by the experience of carrying and nurturing new life. These biological changes can amplify our emotional responses and contribute to feelings of vulnerability.

This heightened sensitivity serves an evolutionary purpose – it makes us more attuned to our baby’s needs. However, in our modern context, it can also manifest as:

• Intense worry about our baby’s safety
• Hypervigilance about potential dangers
• Intrusive thoughts about worst-case scenarios
• Overwhelming responsibility for another’s wellbeing

Spiritual and Existential Awakening

Motherhood often triggers a profound spiritual or existential awakening. Whether or not you consider yourself spiritual, the experience of creating and nurturing life naturally causes your mind to raise deep questions about meaning, purpose, and connection. This questioning process in which your mind engages can be both enlightening and unsettling, especially when combined with the sleep deprivation and physical demands of early parenthood.

The transition to motherhood strips away the comfortable illusions we once lived behind, bringing us face-to-face with fundamental truths about existence: the impermanence of all things, the inevitable nature of change, and the humbling reality that despite our best efforts, much of life remains beautifully and terrifyingly beyond our control. What once felt like abstract concepts suddenly become visceral, daily experiences as we navigate the unpredictable waters of caring for a new life. Suddenly, we’re confronted with our own mortality and the precious fragility of life. We may find our minds grappling with questions like: Who am I now that I’m responsible for another life? What is my purpose beyond caring for this child? How do I maintain my individual identity while being completely intertwined with another being?

This spiritual awakening can manifest in various ways:

• A heightened sense of connection to previous generations of mothers
• A deeper appreciation for the cyclical nature of life
• A profound sense of awe at the body’s capacity to create and sustain life
• A reshaping of personal values and priorities
• A new understanding of unconditional love
• An increased awareness of life’s impermanence
• A shifting relationship with control and surrender

For many women, this awakening brings a dual experience of expansion and loss. While their heart expands to accommodate a love larger than they’ve ever known, they may simultaneously grieve the loss of their former self and the illusion of control they once maintained. This spiritual transformation can be particularly challenging in a culture that often dismisses or minimizes the profound nature of the motherhood journey, much like the one in which we live.

The existential questions that arise during this time can contribute to anxiety when left unaddressed or when women feel unsupported in exploring them. Yet when given space and validation, this spiritual dimension of motherhood can become a source of tremendous growth and healing, offering opportunities for deeper self-discovery and connection to something larger than ourselves.

Understanding Postpartum Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

When we examine postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts through this lens of transformation, we can see them not as symptoms to be eliminated, but as signals of a psyche in profound transition. Common intrusive thoughts often center around:

• Fear of harm coming to the baby
• Worry about one’s capacity to mother
• Concern about irreversible life changes
• Anxiety about losing one’s sense of self
• Or anything else!

These thoughts, while distressing, often reflect the enormity of the transformation taking place. They’re like growing pains of the psyche, pointing us toward areas that need attention and integration.

Importantly, the level of distress a mother experiences in response to these thoughts and anxieties often serves as a crucial signal. When a mother finds herself overwhelmed by intense fear, shame, or panic in response to intrusive thoughts, it usually indicates she’s believing something that isn’t true about herself or these experiences. Perhaps she’s believing these thoughts mean something about her character, her capabilities as a mother, or her mental stability. The intensity of her distress suggests it’s time to examine and possibly transform her relationship with the voice of her mind and her beliefs about emotion.

This transformation isn’t about eliminating thoughts or emotions – it’s about developing a new understanding of them. When we can see intrusive thoughts as the mind’s misguided attempt to protect us rather than as threats or truths, and when we can view our anxiety as a signal rather than an enemy, we begin to shift our entire relationship with these experiences. This new relationship often leads to less distress, even if the thoughts themselves don’t immediately change. The good news is that we don’t need the thoughts to immediately change, because they aren’t dangerous or a reflection of reality.

Finding Your Way Through

The key to navigating this transformation lies not in trying to return to who you were before, but in consciously engaging with the process of becoming who you are now. This might involve:

• Acknowledging the magnitude of the change you’re experiencing
• Creating space to allow your emotions and thoughts without judgment
• Connecting with other mothers who can normalize your experience
• Working with a therapist who understands this transition, and all of it’s nuances
• Developing new tools for allowing anxiety and dismissing the voice of the mind
• Remembering that you’re supposed to be different after having your baby

Embracing the Transformation

While the descent into motherhood can feel overwhelming, it also holds the potential for profound growth and self-discovery. The very experiences that challenge us most – the anxiety, the intrusive thoughts, the identity shifts – are doorways to deeper self-understanding and connection.

Remember that you’re not alone in this journey. The “well” of motherhood is deep, but it contains wisdom, strength, and transformation for those who dare to descend. With support and understanding, you can navigate these waters and emerge not just surviving, but profoundly transformed.

Perhaps the most powerful truth about this journey is that your challenges aren’t signs of weakness or failure – they are invitations to a deeper awakening. Every intrusive thought that startles you, every wave of anxiety that washes over you, every moment of doubt that arises is not a flaw in your motherhood story – it’s a thread in the tapestry of your transformation (and no one wants a basic tapestry!). As you learn to hold these experiences with greater compassion and understanding, you’re not just healing yourself; you’re helping to break the cycles of silence and shame that have surrounded motherhood for generations. In this way, your personal journey of growth becomes a light for others, illuminating a path toward a more authentic and embracing vision of what it means to become a mother.

If you’re struggling with postpartum anxiety or intrusive thoughts, know that support is available. These experiences, while challenging, are recoverable, and support can make a significant difference in your journey through motherhood.

Disclaimer: While these strategies can be helpful, they are not a substitute for professional mental health support.

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